Dear movie makers/movie raters/movie theatres,
I took my kids to Super 8. The movie. You know the one. The one with Coach Eric Taylor in it. Well, he didn't go by Eric Taylor in this particular movie, duh, but that does not negate the fact that he was, indeed, Coach Eric Taylor.
It's a good thing Coach is so likable because I fear his acting range may be a tad limited. So if you ever use him again make sure it's for something very Eric-y Taylor-y-like.
I do like him. A lot. He's real dreamy-like.
Anywho. It has become glaringly obvious that my movie filter is broken.
B.R.O.K.E.N, I say. And I do say because I haven't rented a movie in months that was any good. It's mostly because I am broke and get my DVD's from the library, where they are free-like. So instead of being number 578 in line to get the new, good stuff, I get the old stuff that is there for the simple fact that no one wants to watch them. Regardless, my theory is that they can't all be crap but I have proven my theory to be wrong over and over and over again.
Nevertheless, I persevere.
Even when Colin Firth, aka Mr.Darcy, is in them, they still seem to be crap. So bad, in fact, that the man won't watch them with me. I have to sit alone in the dark watching bad movies wondering if there is any hope for myself.
Yes, I know, this is not your fault at all. It lends to the argument, however, that I have a broken movie picking filter and this is where you come in.
See, I checked the website before I went to Super 8 because I do have a 5 year old and her innocence should be protected. Or at least feigned protection should be had. I did my due diligence and checked. PG. My kids have seen tons of PG stuff so I threw caution to the wind and took them, as well as my sweet little niece who swears her mom won't care if she saw it but......
Sorry Lisa. Again, movie makers/movie raters/movie theatres, not your fault.
I was originally concerned that my little one would be scared but I figured if she was I would distract her with my iphone. After all, that is what it's for. No?
So I was scared about the scariness making my 5 year old all scared-like but now I am scared that she's going to tell her grade one teacher to eff off.
And now the blaming comes in. And I blame you.
Since when does PG include the eff word? I checked my phone app. Don't you just love phone apps? My app said it was PG-13. Ahhhhh, yes. The 13 means the movie can have an eff word. And why shouldn't it? 13 year olds say the eff word all the time and if they don't then us mothers think it sure would be swell if they heard at least one in every movie they see.
Oh, you agree? Great.
Here's a question, a side note of sorts. Why is it so much funnier when tweeners say s*** in the movies than when grown ups do it? Man, every time the pudgy kid who hasn't "leaned out" yet said s*** I laughed my hiney off.
Not the point. Not the point indeed.
Super 8 was like Goonies meets E.T. meets a very mild version of Aliens. What's not to like?
Well I liked it, but this is also not the point.
J.J. Abrams is awesome but again, not the point.
Here is the point. Finally? I know, right? Why is there a discrepancy on the rating? Why does my phone say PG-13 but the website and the movie theatre say PG? Who gets to make that call?
Maybe I should be making the calls.
Well thank-you for asking. I would make the calls but I can't. My filter is broken, remember? I am simply incapable of judging whether a movie is appropriate and/or entertaining. So I look to you to do that for me.
You have failed.....again. Colossal fail. The five year old has been up every night since the movie was seen with bad dreams. For this I blame me. And so does the man, since he's the one who has been getting up with her.
For my 11 year old, Jack, thinking he hit the jackpot by seeing a movie with the eff word in it and therefore thinking he may be able to see Snatch next, I blame you.
I have to blame you because what kind of mother would I be if I took full responsibility for my children's total corruption?
That would silly, and heaven knows, I am not silly.
So, I'm sure I will continue to show my children inappropriate movies because I am broken and have yet, after all this time, figured it out, thereby contributing to society's dysfunction. And I am sure you will do your part to aid me in this endeavor.
As for Jack and his movie line up which includes Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction, The Hangover and Goodfellas? Sorry kid.........it's back to Mary Poppins and Little House on the Prairie on box set for you!
Mother of 4
Corruptor of all
(Don't forget to leave a thought provoking retort. You have to look down a bit to find the place to do it)